Post by FastNFancy on May 15, 2002 3:00:52 GMT -5
GHETTO FABULOUS IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM: Some
Predictions and Trends for the year 2020 and Beyond...
1. Sean "Puffy" Combs will continue to razzle and dazzle us with "Puffy on Ice" and its cousin "The Puffy Capades."
2. Designers like Chanel, Prada, Donna Karan, Versace, and Armani will:
a. Offer layaway plans
b. Have licensing agreements with Super K
3. Due to an aging Hip Hop generation, Lil' Kim will take over for June Allyson as the Depends spokesperson. The rapper will tout designer, disposable incontinence diapers in the shape of g-strings and thongs.
4. Black teen girls and young adult women will account for a high percentage of psychologist visits and Prozac prescriptions once they realize what they thought was long, good hair was really weaves and extensions. Many will appear on the Oprah Show to discuss this new crisis and the animosity they hold towards their deceiving and weaving mothers.
5. By the year 2070, nursing homes will be filled with patients named Shaniqua, LaKeishia, DeAndre, and Jemarrio.
6. Standard college course requirements will include classes like:
a. PRONOUNCING AFRICAN AMERICAN NAMES--Articulation, Annunciation, and Gender Specifics (LaZelle--feminine/LeeZelle--masculine)
b. GHETTO ENTREPRENEURSHIP--A Walking Guide to Barbershops, Salons, and Strip Clubs
c. HIP HOP RETROSPECTIVE--Exploring the Genius of Puffy Combs, ODB, and Will Smith
7. Home Weaving Kits will be the rage.
8. Tupac Shakur Ubari Wanelle Jones, Ph.D., wins the Nobel Prize in Physics for his groundbreaking research on the gravity-defying hairstyles of African American women--The French Roll.
9. Lauryn Hill accepts the Grammy lifetime achievement award on the eve of giving birth to her 20th child by Rohan Marley--who still ain't her husband.
10. Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston star in the Broadway play, "Nigga, I Thought I Tol' You to Get Yo' Hands Offa Me!"
11. Bobbi Christina Brown undergoes the first forehead reduction procedure and later marries longtime bachelor (wink wink) Tevin Campbell.
12. Red Lobster opens take out stores in urban areas called "The Skrimps To Go Sto'."
13. Maxwell House will finally market cooking grease. What took so long?
14. Marriage will be on the decline and inbreeding on the uprise. Many young people of mating age will discover they share daddies.
15. Busta Rhymes replaces the Cos as the Jello spokesperson.
16. Whoopi Goldberg will join the Republican Party.
17. The Jheri Curl and plastic furniture covers will make a comeback.
18. Los Angeles will experience white flight into Compton and South Central.
19. Jennifer Lopez has her butt implants removed.
20. Due to the rising number of pro athletes and entertainers in prison, the NFL launches the Prison Leagues...
Predictions and Trends for the year 2020 and Beyond...
1. Sean "Puffy" Combs will continue to razzle and dazzle us with "Puffy on Ice" and its cousin "The Puffy Capades."
2. Designers like Chanel, Prada, Donna Karan, Versace, and Armani will:
a. Offer layaway plans
b. Have licensing agreements with Super K
3. Due to an aging Hip Hop generation, Lil' Kim will take over for June Allyson as the Depends spokesperson. The rapper will tout designer, disposable incontinence diapers in the shape of g-strings and thongs.
4. Black teen girls and young adult women will account for a high percentage of psychologist visits and Prozac prescriptions once they realize what they thought was long, good hair was really weaves and extensions. Many will appear on the Oprah Show to discuss this new crisis and the animosity they hold towards their deceiving and weaving mothers.
5. By the year 2070, nursing homes will be filled with patients named Shaniqua, LaKeishia, DeAndre, and Jemarrio.
6. Standard college course requirements will include classes like:
a. PRONOUNCING AFRICAN AMERICAN NAMES--Articulation, Annunciation, and Gender Specifics (LaZelle--feminine/LeeZelle--masculine)
b. GHETTO ENTREPRENEURSHIP--A Walking Guide to Barbershops, Salons, and Strip Clubs
c. HIP HOP RETROSPECTIVE--Exploring the Genius of Puffy Combs, ODB, and Will Smith
7. Home Weaving Kits will be the rage.
8. Tupac Shakur Ubari Wanelle Jones, Ph.D., wins the Nobel Prize in Physics for his groundbreaking research on the gravity-defying hairstyles of African American women--The French Roll.
9. Lauryn Hill accepts the Grammy lifetime achievement award on the eve of giving birth to her 20th child by Rohan Marley--who still ain't her husband.
10. Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston star in the Broadway play, "Nigga, I Thought I Tol' You to Get Yo' Hands Offa Me!"
11. Bobbi Christina Brown undergoes the first forehead reduction procedure and later marries longtime bachelor (wink wink) Tevin Campbell.
12. Red Lobster opens take out stores in urban areas called "The Skrimps To Go Sto'."
13. Maxwell House will finally market cooking grease. What took so long?
14. Marriage will be on the decline and inbreeding on the uprise. Many young people of mating age will discover they share daddies.
15. Busta Rhymes replaces the Cos as the Jello spokesperson.
16. Whoopi Goldberg will join the Republican Party.
17. The Jheri Curl and plastic furniture covers will make a comeback.
18. Los Angeles will experience white flight into Compton and South Central.
19. Jennifer Lopez has her butt implants removed.
20. Due to the rising number of pro athletes and entertainers in prison, the NFL launches the Prison Leagues...